Society Camp Movie Reviews: The Benchwarmers

Welcome to a new installation here at Society Camp, where we review movies that no one should have ever watched. Unless of course that person happens to have been held captive in some Al-Qaeda stronghold, where your captors, in a moment of compassion, give you a taste of all that American style freedom you’re missing out on. In this instance, it would involve a horrible movie and Arby’s take out, which sounds about as awful as anything they could inflict on you in general day-to-day hostage life.

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Today we’ll be reviewing The Benchwarmers, which has to be the absolute worst baseball movie ever made, even worse than all those after school special movies about some baseball team made up of shitty white kids coached by Dean Cain, who somehow beat the clearly superior inner-city team, because Jesus has their backs.  Continue Reading→

Fail Bag – The worst readers of 2015

Another miserable year has come to a close. The only real difference between 2015 and 2016 is we don’t yet know what awful stuff humanity has in store. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess it has something to do with continuing to enable gun crime, more armed conflicts that result in further armed conflicts, celebs doing dickish things with little to no consequence, and of course, all you plebs breaking the rules that make society moderately more hospitable and ending up in Society Camp. We receive a lot of mail here at Society Camp. It includes hate mail, directed at yours truly, mostly from parents thinking I’m too harsh on their kids who will never amount to anything more than misery and household debt. We also receive lots of letters and emails (it’s 2016 people, stop it with the handwritten letters) from readers all over the world who think they have spotted something that is Society Camp worthy. More often than not, the letters do accurately address some shitty behaviour that is best met with swift Society Camp reform. But from time to time, some of you send in suggested Society Camp worthy actions that are just plain wrong, and if anything, make you sound like someone who would be well served to spend some time here at Society Camp, in an attempt to repair your broken personality. Continue Reading→

Gatorade – Not a water substitute

Many people throughout the world fight a daily struggle to obtain clean drinking water. It’s literally the most important liquid on earth, the life force for anything that requires oxygen to live (cue getting an email from some nerd letting me know about a dry land crab that only requires the sun to live). Where I live, we are fortunate enough to have fucking taps that spit out the most delicious drinking water you could imagine. Especially now, as winter approaches, the pipes are cold and that water comes out like chilled spring water direct form a glacier. So you can imagine my horror at the resurgence of Gatorade as many people’s go-to hydration tool when not actually doing any physical activity. Don’t even get me started on their “Is it in you?” slogan. It just makes them sound like some dude with a micro penis and low self-esteem. Continue Reading→

Fantasy Football – I rather hear about your stupid kids

Just like Fight Club, the first rule of fantasy sports should be you don’t talk about fantasy sports. I view fantasy sports like I view religion, in that everyone is entitled to practice whatever they’d like, but I don’t want to hear about it and will ruthlessly mock you if you try and convince me that Jonah did in fact survive three days in the belly of whale or that Tim Tebow is an NFL caliber quarterback.

Fantasy season is in full swing now, thanks to its main squeeze football. Surely you’ve overheard, or god forbid, have directly been involved in a discussion with someone going on about their fantasy football team(s). For some people, fantasy season is literally the most compelling and stressful time in their lives. What with deciding between who to start, and the crisis management that goes into dealing with an injured player. It’s time consuming and will turn all your loved ones against you. Even your fantasy friends, who you start the season with on good terms, will become your enemies because of their dirty tricks and petty complaints on the comment boards. Trust me when I tell you that a waiver wire argument can get more heated than divorce proceedings. Continue Reading→