Christmas Curmudgeons – How not to be a prick during the holidays

Another Christmas season has come and gone. Now all you are left with is debt, a lack of sleep from travelling too much and the comfort that comes from knowing that you’re now one step closer to diabetes. Here’s the thing about Christmas and the holiday season in general, it makes people raging assholes. It’s supposed to be a time of togetherness, whatever the hell that means. A time where we are supposed to give back to the needy, spend time with the people we are forced to love, and just generally enjoy peace on earth, which of course is something we’ll never be able to do. After experiencing another year of people being pissed off at those who don’t say the ‘right’ greetings, or didn’t buy the ‘right’ presents, we here at Society Camp have compiled a list of easy to follow steps to help you not be such a dick during the holiday season. Continue Reading→

Gatorade – Not a water substitute

Many people throughout the world fight a daily struggle to obtain clean drinking water. It’s literally the most important liquid on earth, the life force for anything that requires oxygen to live (cue getting an email from some nerd letting me know about a dry land crab that only requires the sun to live). Where I live, we are fortunate enough to have fucking taps that spit out the most delicious drinking water you could imagine. Especially now, as winter approaches, the pipes are cold and that water comes out like chilled spring water direct form a glacier. So you can imagine my horror at the resurgence of Gatorade as many people’s go-to hydration tool when not actually doing any physical activity. Don’t even get me started on their “Is it in you?” slogan. It just makes them sound like some dude with a micro penis and low self-esteem. Continue Reading→

Yawning – Shut up already

Usually when people open their mouths, annoying words come out of them. But on occasion, the words are replaced with obnoxious air in the form of a yawn. Yawning is a biological necessity, I get that. It’s the brain needing more oxygen or something (I was too lazy to Google the specifics), it doesn’t actually mean you’re tired. Regardless, it’s something we all do throughout the day. Just some of us do it with more gumption and general douchebaggery than others. Some people want the world to know that they’re yawning, and have developed a go-to style or sound to accompany the passage of air to the brain. These people are terribly annoying. Continue Reading→

Office Kitchenettes – A place where decency goes to die

I like my job, in that it gives me money to live and play with. But other than that, it’s really no more than a soul crushing environment filled with strangers who you’re forced to spend more time with than your own family or friends (who are bad enough as it stands).

To make matters worse, these people, if you can call them that (more like animals devoid of humour, compassion and intelligence), ensure that you dislike them even more by committing the various cardinal sins of the workplace. And the worst part is that you can never lash out or call them on it (other than anonymous, passive aggressive Post-it notes, which have probably averted countless workplace tragedies). You have to sit there and take it, as the last thing you want is having to spend even a single minute with an HR person, because they are literally the worst people on earth, similar to lawyers but without the smarts and penchant for blow.   Continue Reading→

Society School: Peeing in the pool

Today we are debuting a new sector to Society Camp, our newly minted Society School. Society School is exactly like Society Camp, except for kids (12 and under). We only call it a ‘school’ to a) make it sound worse to the kids; and b) make it sound better to their awful parents. Don’t worry, we have staff on-hand to make sure that overnighters don’t wet the bed etc., as mattresses are expensive, even just loosely filled bags of plastic bottles. Obviously that was a joke, we actually buy them secondhand from hotels that have just renovated due to bed bugs.

Our inaugural Society School post will focus on a classic complaint against kids (and drunk jerks monopolizing resort swim-up bars), pissing in the goddamn pool. Continue Reading→

Baby Strollers: Selfish parenting personified in wheel form

Congrats, you got drunk one night, or tried to save a failing relationship, and you’re now stuck with a little critter who you love more than anything in this world, other than your own sense of self-worth.

Last I checked, the decision to have children rests solely on the parents, accident or not. Unless I somehow orchestrated a molly fueled date in a majestic setting for you and your lover, where the only outcome would be sweet baby making, I had nothing to do with the process. Yet every damn day, I’m impeded in my quest to live and roam free throughout city streets and stores, because of your stupid baby strollers. Continue Reading→

Fail Bag: PDAs make me want to vomit in the face of love

Sorry for the delay folks. Five days ago, it was really, really windy and I saw no less than three hats fly off peoples’ heads, and I have just now regained my composure. There is nothing more joy producing in this world, than watching a grown man chase a ten dollar hat through traffic, while balancing a smoothie and a mustard covered hot dog that will one day give him colon cancer.
To mark our return from hysterical laughter at the expense of others via our cheeky friend the wind, we  are back with another edition of Fail Bag, where you, our loyal but cheap reader,  send in an example of some awful things you or your fellow man are spewing onto society. Continue Reading→

ATM Wait Times – They aren’t magazines at Barnes and Noble

For some reason, it’s 2015 and we still use paper money and metal coins for currency as though we live in the Tang Dynasty. This antiquated form of paying for things is not the worst thing ever, seeing as my piece of shit Samsung can hardly take a pic half the time I need it to, so could never be dependable enough to serve as my wallet. And I rather not have a chip inserted into my wrist like I’m some purebred Yorkie.

So paper money it is, but this relic of a monetary system brings with it many shortcomings: the germ ridden coins and notes that probably killed your great-uncle last winter; a pocket full of metal heavy enough to require a belt, but still only providing enough funds to buy a coffee and maybe a muffin; and worst of all, shitty people that think ATMs are their personal banker. Continue Reading→