Our first full length episode is now live! Let this now be known in popular culture as Episode 1, as opposed to that movie about incest in space known as Star Wars. The link is below, or download it from Spotify, Google Podcasts and other platforms.
This 45 minutes of audio angst covers COVID conundrums, like dealing with all the awful art kids are ‘creating’. We hate on joggers and their juicy germs. We dig into our vault with our first ‘Fails from the Crypt Keeper’ to talk about horking in public. And we answer some Fail Bag questions, like why are puzzles so goddamn awful. Come for the new and improved sound, stay for the judgement.
And don’t forget to send in your questions, comments, memes and hate mail to: firstname.lastname@example.org, or hit us up on our Society Camp Instagram and/or Facebook page.
And like all annoying podcasters, I’m going to ask for you to subscribe to the podcast wherever you get your pods (Apple is still pending but should be any day – they must know I’m an Android guy). Ugh, did I just call myself an Android guy? Imagine tying your persona to a some mobile operating system? Like those Apple fans who put the goddamn apple stickers on their bumper. Like that is what you are telling the world about yourself? That you like to overspend on phones every two years in some blind allegiance to a company that literally only cares about you in as much as you live long enough to buy more overpriced gadgets. But hey, we are looking forward to the Apple Podcast hook-up!
Thanks for tuning in! And stay tuned for some new articles coming up this week. Doing the lord’s work of saving you from your boredom, one trivial post at a time.
Writing posts was apparently too hard for our beloved Camp Director. The last time a post was submitted the only global virus people were afraid of was antibiotic resistant gonorrhoea. Bet we all wish we could go be going back to that simple time right about now.
While we are all stuck in our homes, trying our hardest not to kill our partners and family and blame it on an owl attack, we thought it a good time to launch our long awaited podcast. Now you can hear our angst in real time, as we discuss all the shitty things people continue to do. And given our current global pandemic, so many of humanity’s worst traits are on full display. I hope those bats that started all of this were fucking delicious (I’m going to assume deep-fried is the only acceptable way to eat a bat, not that I think any method is really acceptable, because a flying rat is as terrifying as it is germ infested).
Check out our trailer episode below (we know, trailer episodes are trash, but hey, at least this one is about as organised as a Jackson Pollock painting). A new, full episode will launch this week. And if you have any questions for the Fail Bag, send them to: email@example.com, or send us a message on our Society Camp Facebook page. We also are about to launch an Instagram page and get back on Twitter. Look at us, all grown up and serious.
We don’t do the important work, god’s work really, of Society Camp for the acclaim and the many, many dollars it brings costs us, we do it to make you all less insufferable. But goddamn it’s hard to watch this Humans of New York guy swimming in praise and more importantly, pools and pools of money, for doing nothing more than being really intrusive into people’s private lives and exhibiting basic photography skills. So we decided here at Society Camp that it was time to go on a road trip to serve as inspiration to see what awful things awful people around the awful globe are carrying out on a daily basis. In our first installment of our Awful Humans of… series, we will be talking about our important research in Dublin, where we witnessed some truly discouraging things about the state of humanity, and also, some pretty great things too, but let’s not dwell on the positives. Continue Reading→
I should start this little ditty by saying I fucking love going to the grocery store. I can easily spend hours, even days, wandering the aisles and gleefully spending my time squeezing all the French breads (soft interior, crispy on the out) and looking for exciting new condiments, which now make up roughly 80 percent of my fridge. The trick, however, is going late on a weeknight so you have the place completely to yourself, which allows you to avoid the wretched masses who turn the beautiful experience of grocery shopping into a living, fucking, nightmare. Continue Reading→
Let me start by saying I don’t hate babies. I hate what they become, as they mostly grow up to be people who lack any understanding of the societal norms that should govern our every action. But when they are in baby form, they are generally in my good books, because they are cute and don’t know how to talk yet. Obviously some babies are garbage, though that mostly has to do with teething and shitty parents. But goddamn, I hate every one of those stupid Baby on Board stickers more than I hate jaundice (which I’ve never had, but imagine is no picnic). Continue Reading→
I don’t know about you, but before joining the Society Camp ranks, I was pretty damn sick of my 9-5, as you all should be, because they suck your soul out in exchange for money and shitty coffee. But one thing that is not okay, is making work sick.
Some of you may have noticed by now that I’m a fairly crotchety fellow on my best days, and often infect any place of work I attend with negative attitudes. And that is okay, because we all need a healthy dose of negativity to make sure we don’t become that insufferable asshole who shows up to work on Mondays with a smile on his stupid face. And also, people at work do disgusting and inconsiderate things that they deserve to be called out on and mocked incessantly for. But no matter how annoying, stupid, ignorant or joyless your colleagues may be, they don’t deserve your cold or flu. On second thought, most of them probably do, but for the sake of this discussion, you shouldn’t pass on your viruses and germs onto colleagues, no matter how many times they irritate, and test, every fiber of your moral and ethical being. Continue Reading→
I can’t believe we’re here, that miserable time of the year where leaves are still on the trees, snow is nowhere in sight, kids are just back at school and we haven’t even had goddamn Halloween yet, but people everywhere are trying to buoy their spirits by jumping on the Christmas bandwagon. Stores are ALREADY pushing their shitty Christmas decorations that are 90 percent carcinogens down our throats, right there next to the Halloween ones. People are taking the initiative to engage in pointless arguments about if it’s okay to say Merry Christmas or not, as though such urgency is required for a phrase you shouldn’t have to say for another 2 and a half shit-filled months. In short, people are spending their hard earned money, and easily lost time, on Christmas, in October, and that is not okay. Continue Reading→
Society Camp is a lonely place, and not lonely in the sense that there aren’t lots of people around, because there are, but more so, because all those people are awful and spending time with them makes you a worse person. So for the most part, as the Camp Director, I have a lot of time time to kill in-between administering reform punishments, and that mostly involves Netflix, alcohol, and a healthy amount of introspection. All that to say, I’ve been watching a shit-tonne of Shark Tank, where mostly fake millionaires, and Mark Cuban, make investments in ideas/entrepreneurs that probably never come to fruition once they’ve combed through the numbers and realize that all people trying to raise money are filthy liars. Continue Reading→
Every asshole has a blog now, and a shit one at that. Look, anyone who has ever felt swayed by the power of holding a pen and writing prose thinks that they are fucking Orwell or Hemingway. Well guess what dipshit, that one short story you wrote in high school that won some bullshit prize doesn’t make you a writer. Same goes for the blog you just started. You may think that it will be your ticket to Wes Anderson’s attention and a spot at a writing table, or your first publisher/movie deal like that former blogger who wrote Juno, her name escapes me but it sounds like some maniacal circus lion tamer (edit – Google tells me her name is Diablo, nailed the description). But more likely, blogging will just become some frustrating pastime that you force your friends, family and colleagues into reading. Guess what, they tell you they like it, but they only read the headline, the intro and the last line and mutter under their breath “what a dipshit”. But if, for the love of all fucking things sacred in the writing world, you decide to force your stupid opinions and prose onto the world, have the fucking dedication to write a post more than once every other month and give your Jewish mother even the slightest reason to feel remotely proud of you. Continue Reading→
Another miserable year has come to a close. The only real difference between 2015 and 2016 is we don’t yet know what awful stuff humanity has in store. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess it has something to do with continuing to enable gun crime, more armed conflicts that result in further armed conflicts, celebs doing dickish things with little to no consequence, and of course, all you plebs breaking the rules that make society moderately more hospitable and ending up in Society Camp. We receive a lot of mail here at Society Camp. It includes hate mail, directed at yours truly, mostly from parents thinking I’m too harsh on their kids who will never amount to anything more than misery and household debt. We also receive lots of letters and emails (it’s 2016 people, stop it with the handwritten letters) from readers all over the world who think they have spotted something that is Society Camp worthy. More often than not, the letters do accurately address some shitty behaviour that is best met with swift Society Camp reform. But from time to time, some of you send in suggested Society Camp worthy actions that are just plain wrong, and if anything, make you sound like someone who would be well served to spend some time here at Society Camp, in an attempt to repair your broken personality. Continue Reading→