Society Camp – The Podcast: Episode 1 is now live!

Our first full length episode is now live! Let this now be known in popular culture as Episode 1, as opposed to that movie about incest in space known as Star Wars. The link is below, or download it from Spotify, Google Podcasts and other platforms.

This 45 minutes of audio angst covers COVID conundrums, like dealing with all the awful art kids are ‘creating’. We hate on joggers and their juicy germs. We dig into our vault with our first ‘Fails from the Crypt Keeper’ to talk about horking in public. And we answer some Fail Bag questions, like why are puzzles so goddamn awful. Come for the new and improved sound, stay for the judgement.

And don’t forget to send in your questions, comments, memes and hate mail to: the.society.camp@gmail.com, or hit us up on our Society Camp Instagram and/or Facebook page.

And like all annoying podcasters, I’m going to ask for you to subscribe to the podcast wherever you get your pods (Apple is still pending but should be any day – they must know I’m an Android guy). Ugh, did I just call myself an Android guy? Imagine tying your persona to a some mobile operating system? Like those Apple fans who put the goddamn apple stickers on their bumper. Like that is what you are telling the world about yourself? That you like to overspend on phones every two years in some blind allegiance to a company that literally only cares about you in as much as you live long enough to buy more overpriced gadgets. But hey, we are looking forward to the Apple Podcast hook-up!

Thanks for tuning in! And stay tuned for some new articles coming up this week. Doing the lord’s work of saving you from your boredom, one trivial post at a time.

https://www.spreaker.com/user/jovial_narcissist/episode-1-crappy-covid-kid-art-and-tange

We have a podcast!

Writing posts was apparently too hard for our beloved Camp Director. The last time a post was submitted the only global virus people were afraid of was antibiotic resistant gonorrhoea. Bet we all wish we could go be going back to that simple time right about now.

While we are all stuck in our homes, trying our hardest not to kill our partners and family and blame it on an owl attack, we thought it a good time to launch our long awaited podcast. Now you can hear our angst in real time, as we discuss all the shitty things people continue to do. And given our current global pandemic, so many of humanity’s worst traits are on full display. I hope those bats that started all of this were fucking delicious (I’m going to assume deep-fried is the only acceptable way to eat a bat, not that I think any method is really acceptable, because a flying rat is as terrifying as it is germ infested).

Check out our trailer episode below (we know, trailer episodes are trash, but hey, at least this one is about as organised as a Jackson Pollock painting). A new, full episode will launch this week. And if you have any questions for the Fail Bag, send them to: the.society.camp@gmail.com, or send us a message on our Society Camp Facebook page. We also are about to launch an Instagram page and get back on Twitter. Look at us, all grown up and serious.

Fuck Your Baby on Board…Sign

Let me start by saying I don’t hate babies. I hate what they become, as they mostly grow up to be people who lack any understanding of the societal norms that should govern our every action. But when they are in baby form, they are generally in my good books, because they are cute and don’t know how to talk yet. Obviously some babies are garbage, though that mostly has to do with teething and shitty parents. But goddamn, I hate every one of those stupid Baby on Board stickers more than I hate jaundice (which I’ve never had, but imagine is no picnic).  Continue Reading→

Elevating Elevator Use

I’m trying hard, very hard, not to lose my shit on people who seem to not know that human decency is personified in how one uses a goddamn elevator. How can something that seems so basic, a box on a pulley that ushers plebs up and down to their meaningless jobs and shitty condos, be fraught with so much absurd confusion and a lack of self-awareness?

Look, maybe if I had this thing people keep raving about, “cardio”, I’d be okay with taking the stairs and avoiding the horror that is walking into a box filled with awful scents and worse people. But unfortunately for all involved, I gave up on personal fitness and put all my eggs in the ‘science will soon invent a pill that saves me from ever having to set foot on an elliptical‘ basket. I guess that pill kinda already exists in the form of a methamphetamine, which has been used in the pharmaceutical weight-loss game for decades, but I like my teeth and also, those people have shitty cardio, but can fit into anything made by Gucci. Cocaine would probably also work, in the event you wanted to broaden your horizons.  Continue Reading→

I blame Trump, for like, all my own failures.

Look, since we last spoke, shit has transpired. The world is forever changed. A bloated turnip with golden retriever pubes for a haircut, is the President. Anyway, you all know this and are probably sick of seeing your Facebook feed filled with his mug. This isn’t about his awful policies, his racists rhetoric, and his general inability to run the most powerful nation in the world. I’ll let actual reporters do that for me. No, this is simply my mea culpa for being a lazy asshole who wants to be a famous writer with the jaw of George Clooney and the abs of Madonna, but would rather play NBA JAM on the SNES than pretty much anything worthwhile, like going for a walk to see if the snow is gone yet.

Read More

Dipshit Bloggers – Post more of your shitty opinions

Every asshole has a blog now, and a shit one at that. Look, anyone who has ever felt swayed by the power of holding a pen and writing prose thinks that they are fucking Orwell or Hemingway. Well guess what dipshit, that one short story you wrote in high school that won some bullshit prize doesn’t make you a writer. Same goes for the blog you just started. You may think that it will be your ticket to Wes Anderson’s attention and a spot at a writing table, or your first publisher/movie deal like that former blogger who wrote Juno, her name escapes me but it sounds like some maniacal circus lion tamer (edit – Google tells me her name is Diablo, nailed the description). But more likely, blogging will just become some frustrating pastime that you force your friends, family and colleagues into reading. Guess what, they tell you they like it, but they only read the headline, the intro and the last line and mutter under their breath “what a dipshit”. But if, for the love of all fucking things sacred in the writing world, you decide to force your stupid opinions and prose onto the world, have the fucking dedication to write a post more than once every other month and give your Jewish mother even the slightest reason to feel remotely proud of you. Continue Reading→

Fail Bag – The worst readers of 2015

Another miserable year has come to a close. The only real difference between 2015 and 2016 is we don’t yet know what awful stuff humanity has in store. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess it has something to do with continuing to enable gun crime, more armed conflicts that result in further armed conflicts, celebs doing dickish things with little to no consequence, and of course, all you plebs breaking the rules that make society moderately more hospitable and ending up in Society Camp. We receive a lot of mail here at Society Camp. It includes hate mail, directed at yours truly, mostly from parents thinking I’m too harsh on their kids who will never amount to anything more than misery and household debt. We also receive lots of letters and emails (it’s 2016 people, stop it with the handwritten letters) from readers all over the world who think they have spotted something that is Society Camp worthy. More often than not, the letters do accurately address some shitty behaviour that is best met with swift Society Camp reform. But from time to time, some of you send in suggested Society Camp worthy actions that are just plain wrong, and if anything, make you sound like someone who would be well served to spend some time here at Society Camp, in an attempt to repair your broken personality. Continue Reading→

Gatorade – Not a water substitute

Many people throughout the world fight a daily struggle to obtain clean drinking water. It’s literally the most important liquid on earth, the life force for anything that requires oxygen to live (cue getting an email from some nerd letting me know about a dry land crab that only requires the sun to live). Where I live, we are fortunate enough to have fucking taps that spit out the most delicious drinking water you could imagine. Especially now, as winter approaches, the pipes are cold and that water comes out like chilled spring water direct form a glacier. So you can imagine my horror at the resurgence of Gatorade as many people’s go-to hydration tool when not actually doing any physical activity. Don’t even get me started on their “Is it in you?” slogan. It just makes them sound like some dude with a micro penis and low self-esteem. Continue Reading→

Yawning – Shut up already

Usually when people open their mouths, annoying words come out of them. But on occasion, the words are replaced with obnoxious air in the form of a yawn. Yawning is a biological necessity, I get that. It’s the brain needing more oxygen or something (I was too lazy to Google the specifics), it doesn’t actually mean you’re tired. Regardless, it’s something we all do throughout the day. Just some of us do it with more gumption and general douchebaggery than others. Some people want the world to know that they’re yawning, and have developed a go-to style or sound to accompany the passage of air to the brain. These people are terribly annoying. Continue Reading→

Slideshows – Rose tinted windows into your lonely existence and rotten soul

Many apps and social platforms currently exist that allow you to share all the pictures that chronicle how happy you supposedly are and how good you look in a 2×2 pic with a black and white filter and soft lighting. Those apps exist specifically so you don’t have to subject every single person you know with pictures that most of us couldn’t really give a shit about. For those that want to creep on the mundane moments of your life, the platforms exist for them to do so. And for those of us who could care less about your seventh trip to a Mexican resort, we can choose to ignore or unfollow you. Oh man, where did you come up with the idea to take a point of view picture of just your legs while lying on a beach? Almost as bad as that stupid heart-shaped hand thing people do around sunsets.

People’s vacation pictures, wedding pictures, baby pictures, you know, the full spectrum of what people choose to point and click cameras (phones) at, are pretty much all the same, just with different faces. I don’t even look back over my own pictures, so why on earth would I do it for other people? bigstock-Vacation-1791395People who are just trying to convince the world that their love, work and family life are literally picturesque, even when their partner is a cheater; they’ve been in the same dead-end job for years; and their parents are a bunch of filthy racists.  Continue Reading→