Let me start by saying I don’t hate babies. I hate what they become, as they mostly grow up to be people who lack any understanding of the societal norms that should govern our every action. But when they are in baby form, they are generally in my good books, because they are cute and don’t know how to talk yet. Obviously some babies are garbage, though that mostly has to do with teething and shitty parents. But goddamn, I hate every one of those stupid Baby on Board stickers more than I hate jaundice (which I’ve never had, but imagine is no picnic). Continue Reading→
I can’t believe we’re here, that miserable time of the year where leaves are still on the trees, snow is nowhere in sight, kids are just back at school and we haven’t even had goddamn Halloween yet, but people everywhere are trying to buoy their spirits by jumping on the Christmas bandwagon. Stores are ALREADY pushing their shitty Christmas decorations that are 90 percent carcinogens down our throats, right there next to the Halloween ones. People are taking the initiative to engage in pointless arguments about if it’s okay to say Merry Christmas or not, as though such urgency is required for a phrase you shouldn’t have to say for another 2 and a half shit-filled months. In short, people are spending their hard earned money, and easily lost time, on Christmas, in October, and that is not okay. Continue Reading→
Another miserable year has come to a close. The only real difference between 2015 and 2016 is we don’t yet know what awful stuff humanity has in store. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess it has something to do with continuing to enable gun crime, more armed conflicts that result in further armed conflicts, celebs doing dickish things with little to no consequence, and of course, all you plebs breaking the rules that make society moderately more hospitable and ending up in Society Camp. We receive a lot of mail here at Society Camp. It includes hate mail, directed at yours truly, mostly from parents thinking I’m too harsh on their kids who will never amount to anything more than misery and household debt. We also receive lots of letters and emails (it’s 2016 people, stop it with the handwritten letters) from readers all over the world who think they have spotted something that is Society Camp worthy. More often than not, the letters do accurately address some shitty behaviour that is best met with swift Society Camp reform. But from time to time, some of you send in suggested Society Camp worthy actions that are just plain wrong, and if anything, make you sound like someone who would be well served to spend some time here at Society Camp, in an attempt to repair your broken personality. Continue Reading→
Another Christmas season has come and gone. Now all you are left with is debt, a lack of sleep from travelling too much and the comfort that comes from knowing that you’re now one step closer to diabetes. Here’s the thing about Christmas and the holiday season in general, it makes people raging assholes. It’s supposed to be a time of togetherness, whatever the hell that means. A time where we are supposed to give back to the needy, spend time with the people we are forced to love, and just generally enjoy peace on earth, which of course is something we’ll never be able to do. After experiencing another year of people being pissed off at those who don’t say the ‘right’ greetings, or didn’t buy the ‘right’ presents, we here at Society Camp have compiled a list of easy to follow steps to help you not be such a dick during the holiday season. Continue Reading→
Today we are debuting a new sector to Society Camp, our newly minted Society School. Society School is exactly like Society Camp, except for kids (12 and under). We only call it a ‘school’ to a) make it sound worse to the kids; and b) make it sound better to their awful parents. Don’t worry, we have staff on-hand to make sure that overnighters don’t wet the bed etc., as mattresses are expensive, even just loosely filled bags of plastic bottles. Obviously that was a joke, we actually buy them secondhand from hotels that have just renovated due to bed bugs.
Our inaugural Society School post will focus on a classic complaint against kids (and drunk jerks monopolizing resort swim-up bars), pissing in the goddamn pool. Continue Reading→