Fail Bag: The Christmas is coming edition

I can’t believe we’re here, that miserable time of the year where leaves are still on the trees, snow is nowhere in sight, kids are just back at school and we haven’t even had goddamn Halloween yet, but people everywhere are trying to buoy their spirits by jumping on the Christmas bandwagon. Stores are ALREADY pushing their shitty Christmas decorations that are 90 percent carcinogens down our throats, right there next to the Halloween ones. People are taking the initiative to engage in pointless arguments about if it’s okay to say Merry Christmas or not, as though such urgency is required for a phrase you shouldn’t have to say for another 2 and a half shit-filled months. In short, people are spending their hard earned money, and easily lost time, on Christmas, in October, and that is not okay.  Continue Reading→

Fail Bag – The worst readers of 2015

Another miserable year has come to a close. The only real difference between 2015 and 2016 is we don’t yet know what awful stuff humanity has in store. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess it has something to do with continuing to enable gun crime, more armed conflicts that result in further armed conflicts, celebs doing dickish things with little to no consequence, and of course, all you plebs breaking the rules that make society moderately more hospitable and ending up in Society Camp. We receive a lot of mail here at Society Camp. It includes hate mail, directed at yours truly, mostly from parents thinking I’m too harsh on their kids who will never amount to anything more than misery and household debt. We also receive lots of letters and emails (it’s 2016 people, stop it with the handwritten letters) from readers all over the world who think they have spotted something that is Society Camp worthy. More often than not, the letters do accurately address some shitty behaviour that is best met with swift Society Camp reform. But from time to time, some of you send in suggested Society Camp worthy actions that are just plain wrong, and if anything, make you sound like someone who would be well served to spend some time here at Society Camp, in an attempt to repair your broken personality. Continue Reading→

Fail Bag: Drawn-out goodbyes are only okay on death beds

Welcome back to another installment of Fail Bag, where our readers send in what societal atrocities they think are Society Camp worthy. For those of you who haven’t seen your questions up yet, in time. We get literally thousands of letters a day, but most of them are takeout flyers.

Addison from Cranberry Township, Pennsylvania

Hi Society Camp. I’ve just returned home from a dinner with some friends (I only really like this one couple, the other couple are friends through friends, and they just talk about their kids’ soccer activities, which is about as enjoyable as a round of syphilis). After painfully making it through the night at some overpriced restaurant that thinks it’s legit because it has vintage Edison bulbs dangling throughout and reclaimed wood tables, we were finally free. All three couples made their way outside for the final goodbye on the sidewalk. You know the one, where it takes some ten minutes for everyone to finally leave. Is it just me, or are these goodbyes painful? I’ve just spent the entire night talking to these people, do I really need to spend another ten minutes standing on a sidewalk, summarizing how much fun we had and that we should definitely do it again sometime soon? Just walk out the door and say bye and be done with it, right? Also, people take too long saying goodbye on the phone. I can’t be the only one that hates a long goodbye?

Thanks for writing in, Addison. Is Addison your real name? No offense, but it’s awful. You sound like a calculator from the 80s, when calculators were the iPhone of their time. “Oh nice bro, you got yourself an Addison. Quadratic equations for liiiiife!” But I shouldn’t blame you, more so your parents that were probably naming you after some great aunt that everyone in the family thought was a real salty broad (which by the way, is the name of our Society Camp boat). Continue Reading→

Fail Bag: PDAs make me want to vomit in the face of love

Sorry for the delay folks. Five days ago, it was really, really windy and I saw no less than three hats fly off peoples’ heads, and I have just now regained my composure. There is nothing more joy producing in this world, than watching a grown man chase a ten dollar hat through traffic, while balancing a smoothie and a mustard covered hot dog that will one day give him colon cancer.
To mark our return from hysterical laughter at the expense of others via our cheeky friend the wind, we  are back with another edition of Fail Bag, where you, our loyal but cheap reader,  send in an example of some awful things you or your fellow man are spewing onto society. Continue Reading→

Fail Bag: Whistle while you work?

Today we have our first in our Fail Bag series, where readers send in what they think is a glaring example of societal shitbaggery, or even share their own hiccups in trying to not be so awful, and seek our sage advice on how to reform such inconsiderate actions.

Keith from Barrie, Ontario:

Hi Society Camp, first time, long time (editors note: this guy is a fucking liar, this blog hasn’t even been around for a week and he hits us with the first time, long time horseshit). The guy in the cubicle next to me is nice enough, for someone from Barrie. I’ve been working next to him for about a year, and for the most part I have no issues with him, even though he wears the same Van Halen shirt every Friday, which is bad enough as it is, but worse when you realize we work in a law office that doesn’t subscribe to casual Fridays (one time I didn’t wear a pinstripe suit on a Friday and almost lost my job). Anyway, so this guy, let’s call him Mitch, because that’s his real name, is okay, just a shitty dresser and he wears that all natural pine deodorant, which makes him smell great for about an hour or so, but that slowly fades into the faint smell of B.O. wafting through a forest, but that doesn’t bother me all that much. What I’m writing to you about is his fucking whistling. Usually, if a colleague was just whistling all the time, I’d tell them to shut their squeezed together lips up. But here’s the thing, Mitch just whistles the same tune throughout the day, Chopin’s “Funeral March”. So I really want to throw my stapler at him, but what if he’s just thinking about his dead wife’s funeral all the time? Would that make me the asshole? Or is he still the asshole and Society Camp bound for whistling at work?

Thanks for writing in, Keith. First of all, I’m really, really sorry to hear about the hard time you’ve been going through, as it’s never easy being from Barrie. Continue Reading→